"A TRIBUTE "

FELICIDAD ESTACION LIBO-ON: my mom, a woman of courage, a servant of God.
The death of my mom was the most tragic event in my life. Truth is, I’m not that very close to her. To me, she was just a typical mom, a provider, and the reason I was born in this world.

It’s a regret I was not very thankful for her love and her care. I hope she can feel my love, even if it’s too late.

June 1995 – we started to notice bloodstains on her left upper dress. And we also noticed blood clots in the bathroom after she bathes. I tried asking her about it but she just kept mum and ignores every question we make.

December 1995 – she was noted for a cataract and my doc uncle scheduled an operation.

January 1996 – this is a Sunday and we’re supposed to go to the church but she asked me to call my surgeon cousin to meet us in the hospital. I thought it’s for the cataract extraction but I can feel the real reason for the immediate hospitalization.

At RMC, we were met by some doctors and examined her at the ER. I was so surprised to see her breast for the first time, covered with a lot of gauze and the nipple was already gone. That time I knew why the stains and the clots, and even the bunches of gauze and band-aids on our medicine cabinet.

I tried keeping my emotions. Especially when my cousin told me its breast cancer 4th stage.

An emergency mastectomy was scheduled and it will take place the following day. Family and friends went to comfort us and she was brought back to the room after 8 hours. Prior to her return, my cousin again talked to me that she was given 3 months to live. So I said, this is God’s plan and I’m accepting the fate we have.

After a week, we brought her home and I tried to spend more time with her. Every weekend, we go to the mall or restaurants to eat and on Sundays, we attend church service. But the fact that she could no longer play much on the piano made her despair a little.

We understood because she was the church pianist since she was 14 years old.

A month passed and I started hearing her thump her feet every morning. We didn’t know that it was the start of the numbness of her legs.

March – it was morning when she called my father, telling him she can’t feel anything on her legs. I felt scared, because as a nurse, I know what’s going through her already. But instead of seeing her cry, she just told us it’s part of God’s plan, most especially, she’s a diabetic.

From that day on, we let her use the wheelchair because I know she can no longer walk again. Days passed and we noticed her avoiding visitors. The only two friends she admits were Tita Virgie and Tita Edna. The former was her childhood friend and the latter was her best friend since college.

Every day, we bring her to the beach so we can bury her legs on the sand. It was an advice from medical experts since the coolness of the sand can relax the muscles. And she would joke saying, hey, is this how it feels to be buried?

I can see in my mom’s eyes that she’s not scared of death. She was even telling us she’s prepared to meet the Creator.

May – her birthday falls on the 16th so the whole family planned to give her a surprise party. We made the reservation at the beach. Before the day came, we told her the whole family would go on outing. So she excitedly asked to be dressed up so we can go early. She was shocked when she saw the whole family outside of the beach house and got even more surprised when she saw the big happy birthday banner at the dining area. I saw how happy she was. And I’m very glad that we were able to give her the best birthday party ever.

June – this month started when she’s already having incontinence. I tried my best to be patient because I know I can’t do anything to make her well. Financially, we’re getting drained. We have to sell some stocks and take all the money from the bank to survive. This was the hardest time in our life. I even decided to stop working so I can give her my care.

July – I did not celebrate my birthday because I know I won’t be happy. And I have to save the money for our every day needs. And this is also the time she cannot eat anymore. And so we have to feed her with Isocal already.

August – she’s getting weaker and weaker. She has blisters on her butt and we have to move her every two hours. I’m also getting very depressed and I hate myself for not being open to her. Most cancer victims cannot tolerate the pain but my mom can. In the silence of the night, you can’t even hear a moan or a cry of pain. She has the courage I did appreciate and the strength to fight the illness.

September – I don’t have the idea that death is nearing her. My niece and nephew celebrated their birthdays at McDonald’s and we’re supposed to bring her along but she opted to stay home. I brought her spaghetti and coke and I was surprised to see her eat like she was so hungry and she never showed any difficulty of swallowing the food. We’re expecting her full recovery but we were wrong.

Sept. 29 – 5am – I heard my mom breathing with a gurgling sound. I asked if she’s okay and she just looked up to me with a smile and said, I’m all right.

6am – my father called my attention when he noticed my mom’s nail bed’s turning bluish. I ran to her and she really was getting cyanotic. I immediately called the whole family especially my doc uncle and cousin to assist me. We rushed my mom to the hospital and in the car; I know she breathed her last.

6:20am – she was placed in a respirator and the doctors are planning if they can admit her in the ICU. But I did not give my consent because I know she’s already gone.

8:30am – she was declared dead after pulling out all the contraptions from her body. Although I know she can’t hear me anymore, but I gave her my thanks and for the last time, gave her my hug not minding that she’s no longer there.

The first time I saw my mom inside the coffin gave me the hard time to accept her death. For 26 years, I saw her as a responsible and hard working person. She was so dedicated to her work, both in school and in the church. Instead of spending the weekends at home, she attends the choir practice for the Sunday service.

People close to my mom always packed the wake. It’s like a reunion from old friends and former students in high school. I was so touched to know how close my mom was to her students and how they commend her for being a good friend as well.

During the interment, I saw more people came to pay for a last respect. The hearse passed by our house as a final goodbye to where my mom grew up. It was so emotional because we spent so many years together and sadder with her siblings because they have close ties.

I wish she were able to see Deedee. The family loves her because they have the same resemblance.

“And I know you’re shining down on me from heaven. Like the many friends we’ve lost along the way. And I know eventually we’ll be together, one sweet day. Patiently I’ll see you in heaven”.